Life Coaching and Career Coaching

Life is a challenge.
Every day we face problems that must be solved; issues, we are asked to take a stand on. As a free, sovereign individual, you and I are expected to make decisions for ourselves, to take responsibility for our decisions and to be held accountable for the results of our decisions. That is, we have choices.

Decision making involves making choices. Choices are value judgments, and value judgments are subjective, relativistic evaluations of our experiences. Our evaluations are not always rational although we may try to rationalize them to ourselves and others.

Economists assume that humans are totally rationale creatures. They act in their enlightened self interest based on perfect knowledge about the situation. Such creatures act to maximize the “utility” or value of their choices. If you or I acted this way, we would be the perfect “economic man/woman.”. This would make the life of economists so much simpler.

But we are not, Thank God!

We are animals, albeit, the TOP ANIMAL, on the planet. Part of our animal nature is to respond emotionally to the challenges in our immediate environment. We are biologically and psychologically programmed to make decisions that favor our survival — “the survival instinct.”

Here the economists are correct in their assumption that the “individual” acts in his/her own self interest. But, what that “self-interest” is, does not always prove to be rational. That is, it is not rational in a long term or from the “economic man or woman” perspective.

Survival is a short term challenge, while Life is a long term goal. Survival calls for action; life calls for planning.

When we respond to our immediate fears, we are responding emotionally to some perceived survival threat. “I won’t raise my hand, so I won’t be noticed.” “I really don’t think I want to go there or eat THAT food.” “No way, I’m going to New York with all that violence I see on TV.”

When we satisfy our short term wants and needs, we also respond emotionally to some perceived survival opportunity. “I just can’t miss this sale.” “That dessert looks soooo good! I’ll diet tomorrow.” “She/he has the sexiest hot bod I’ve ever seen, I’ve got to …”

Each choice we make, no matter how small no matter how apparently inconsequential, has long term consequences. Each choice sets the conditions for our future choices. Each choice is the starting point for the next challenge and next decision. This how we create our own fate, our karma. The consequences of our choices shape our attitudes toward ourselves, others and the world. The consequences of our experiences slowly form the layers of our personality. Like the rings of a tree, the layers of an onion, or the strata of the Grand Canyon, our experience form the layers of our perceptions, habits and biases. These become the standards we apply in our decision making and evaluation of our choices.

We have choices.

You have choices.

What choices are you making?

Are you still making the same old decisions? And, are you still getting the same undesirable results?

Janus says

Understanding why and how you make your choices is the first step in learning how to make better decisions in your life.

The Janus Life Coaching approach helps you to peel away the layers of perception and begin the process of making better choices and achieving better outcomes.

Attitude is judgment. It is part of our emotional tool-chest.

Our attitude toward something, or about something, orients our emotional approach and response to the object of our attention.

Attitudes are “positive” or “negative” feelings toward the object. Attitudes are learned from our direct and observational experiences, and by what others have taught us. Because attitudes are learned behavior they can also be unlearned — that is, ATTITUDES CAN BE CHANGED.

What if …?

How do you know that you can change your attitude? How do you know that you can change someone else’s attitude? We know because we can ask ourselves the question, “What if —– ?” Because we can conceive of alternatives for our actions and responses, we can also conceive of what these might mean to us and others.

All to often we fail to ask ourselves the question. Instead we simply act or react emotionally to a situation. And once we react to the situation and experience the response, we begin to form an attitude toward the response. The next time we face a similar situation, that attitude will become the attitude that we will take into the situation.

Attitudes, formed in this way, can make our life so much simpler. We “know” what to expect and what is expected of us. We will seek out good situations. We will try to avoid bad situations. And we will try to ignore the unfamiliar or ambiguous situations. In time our attitudes become habits and our habits, left unquestioned, lock us into the attitudes we have about the world and everything in it.

As a child I had a bad experience with a raw onion. To this day, I don’t like onions. I will eat onions when I have no reason to suspect that they are there, such as in a sauce or a flavoring. But, I will not eat fresh raw onion such as in a salad or as a garnish. This is a habit I have. I hate onions.

I really don’t remember exactly what my negative onion experience was. Whatever it was, it has had a lasting impact.

Was these important the scheme of things? No, I don’t believe so! I have, over the years, learned to like the onion flavor. But I have not unlearned my reaction to raw onion. My attitude towards them is unchanged. I’ve never really asked myself the question “What if I eat this red onion in my salad?” Instead I just remove the onion and proceed to eat the rest on my salad.

The “What if …? question is a choice question. It is a question that can be asked before we chose to do something. When we ask it, we are saying to ourselves, “Maybe there is another way to do this,” or, “another way of looking at my choices.” The “What if …? gives us the option of controlling our immediate future before we act.

If only…?

The “If only …?” question is the question we ask when things go wrong. The Spanish Soccer players in the 2010 World Cup are not really concerned with the “If only…?”. They won the World Cup, they had a positive experience in the game and positive attitude about their play. The Dutch players on the other hand are probably still asking themselves “If only…?” questions about their lose.

When we ask the “If only…?” question, we are engaging in an evaluative process and a judgmental process. The evaluative process is where we try to look at the outcome from a critical and objective point of view. “If only I had zigged instead of zagged, I would have avoided the hole in the road.” This is a useful question and suggests an alternative course of action for you to consider the next time you encounter that hole in the road. It is something you can control, your car. And if you can control your car, you can change what happens to it.

The judgmental process, on the other hand, is where we place blame or responsibility for an outcome. Often this results in creating a negative attitude toward the perceived cause of the outcome. “If only the public works department would fix the road, then I would not need to avoid these holes.” This is an interesting, but useless, piece of information about how to avoid driving into a hole in the road. You don’t control the public works department.

But you do control your feelings and thereby your attitude toward the situation, i.e. the hole. If you have a negative attitude, you are most likely to complain about the department and do nothing about the hole. But if you have a positive attitude toward the situation, you might report the hole to the public works department and follow up to see that the department fixes the hole. The negative attitude blames the hole on the department, while the positive attitude takes responsibility for the problem and seeks a solution to fix the holes.

Janus says

Our mental chatter frames our attitude

“What if  —– ?” and “If only …?” are questions we ask ourselves all the time. They are an important part of that chatter talk that goes in our head. You know, that voice that is there when you lay in bed before going to sleep and when we first wake-up in the morning. These are the questions we consider whenever we are faced with a choice or decision or the consequences of a decision.

The “What if —-?” and “If only …?” questions help to separate us humans from other species. They helps us to examine our emotions and change our attitudes in a positive direction.

Have you ever had an epiphany?

Here is a simple story about Henry. Henry had one.

Henry is a simple man. He has a good paying job, a nice home, stable marriage and friends. He is in good health. Henry has no opinions of his own, only what the media and others tell him.  He does as he is told.

Henry is an ordinary man who worries about money, his job, the economy. He worries about his marriage and what people think about him. He worries about his health, his age, his lack of energy. He has unrealized dreams.

“I just don’t have that old spark.” He tells himself.

One day this past Spring, Henry’s wife said. “Henry, Time to mow the lawn.” So Henry went to his shed and got the lawn mower out. Since this would be the season’s first cutting, he decided to check out the mower.

He checked the gas tank. It was nearly empty. Retrieving the gas can, he filled the gas tank and replaced the gas cap tightly.  He pushed the primer button several times and then pulled the crank cord.

Nothing!   He pulled again.  Nothing!  Again, and Nothing!

“Better prime it again,” Henry said.

He pushed the primer several more times. Then he pulled hard on the crank cord. The engine coughed, puffed a cloud of blue smoke, then it died.

“Blue smoke!“

Henry tried again but to no avail.

“Better check the oil.”

He opened the oil cap, pulled out the dip stick, and wiped it. He put it back in, then withdrew it. The stick showed full. The oil was clear. He put the stick back tightening the cap.

“Huh! “He thought. “Gas — Ok!  Oil — Ok! What else could it be? “

He tried to start the engine again, still nothing.

“The engine isn’t catching.” “Spark plug!?” He had had this problem before.

Henry went back to the shed and returned with a spark plug wrench. He disconnected the spark plug cap and with the wrench, he pulled the old spark plug and inspected it. The tip was black with carbon.

“Ah! This must be the problem.”

He took a rag. Put some gasoline on it and wiped the spark plug and cleaned the points. Smiling to himself, he reinstalled the plug, reconnected it. Priming the engine again — he gave the crank rope a hard jerk

Cough, cough, Nothing!

Now Henry was getting very frustrated and angry. He had had this mower for 10 years. He did all the things people told him to do to keep it running. He fed it gas, he change the oil when needed, and he cleaned the spark plug. These had always worked, just like they told him.

“I don’t need this,” “I don’t need this.” He felt totally defeated.

He began to worry, “Will I have to buy a new mower? Or may be I have to spend a small fortune to a small engine repair service — if I can find one?  He looked at the old machine once more.

Henry called his wife to come out and look at the mower. He was afraid she wouldn’t believe him when he said the mower wouldn’t work.

She walked around the old machine and noticed a panel cover attached by screw. “What’s this for,” she asked.

Henery had not “seen” or noticed it before. He got a screw driver and unscrewed it. The cover folded down and revealed a metal screen sealed with a blue rubber gasket around the edge. He removed the screen and inspected it. On the back was accordion folded paper filter. A layer of dirt, grim, flecks of grass and leaves bonded by oil, and water, had collected on the surface. It was thickly layered in between the paper folds.

Suddenly, he knew what to do!

“It can’t breathe!”

Taking the screw driver Henry cleaned out each fold. Thick mats of crud fell out as he passed the screw drive down the fold. After removing the crud, Henry reinstalled the old filter.

Henry tightened the screw on the cover. He primed the engine, and pulled the crank rope.

BANG, POP, a cloud of blue smoke, putt, putt putt, putt putt putt, ROAR. PurrrrrRRRRRRR.

The engine jumped to life. As he pushed the machine around the yard, he smiled.

“I’ll have to buy a new one when I finish,” he thought. Henry had had an epiphany.

——

What is an epiphany?

It is “A sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.”

——-

Reflecting on his discovery, Henry realized that his spirit, was like the mower’s air filter. It was clogged with the crud of his accumulated worries, doubts and other people’s opinions.  Henry determined to clean his spiritual filter so that he could start living and breathing again.

Have you had an epiphany? Would you recognize one if it happened?

Janus says

Sometime it takes a comment or observation from someone else to trigger the revelation, insight or epiphany in you. This is what a life coach can do for you.

Give it a thought.

If you have questions, please contact us.