You’ve spent decades building a life that made sense.
You climbed the ladder, earned the respect, hit the milestones. On paper, everything looks solid — admirable, even. But somewhere beneath the surface, you can feel it:
You’re restless. Disconnected. Questioning things you used to be sure of.
And here’s the truth most high-achieving men never say out loud:
It’s not just about what to do next. It’s about who you’re allowed to become.
When most men think about making a change in midlife, they focus on the external stuff:
– Updating the résumé
– Networking in a new industry
– Launching a consulting gig or side hustle
That’s all part of the process — but it’s not the first step.
The real starting point is internal. Reinvention begins when you start loosening your grip on the identity that no longer fits.
Herminia Ibarra explains this in her Harvard Business Review article, “The Authenticity Paradox” (https://hbr.org/2015/01/the-authenticity-paradox), where she highlights how clinging to an outdated self-image can block the growth needed for reinvention.
Here’s what I’ve seen again and again:
A client says he wants clarity about what’s next — but the real issue is that he’s still trying to drag the old version of himself into a future that’s asking for something new.
You’ve poured 20+ years into becoming “the go-to guy,” the senior leader, the steady provider, the one who always knows what he’s doing. That identity brought you success, security, recognition — and probably some sense of purpose.
But now? It feels hollow.
If you’re stuck, but not sure why, look for these clues:
– You keep saying, “I should be grateful”, but feel numb or irritable.
– You avoid conversations about the future because they make you anxious.
– You’re secretly envious of people who made bold changes.
– You can’t imagine introducing yourself without your job title attached.
One of the most powerful shifts you can make is this:
“I am not my job title.
I am not my LinkedIn summary.
I am not the professional uniform I wore for two decades.”
You are something deeper:
Resilient. Creative. Insightful. Driven.
And those qualities don’t vanish just because your role changes.
They come with you — into whatever you build next.
James Clear’s model of identity-based habits (https://jamesclear.com/identity-based-habits) reinforces this idea — that sustainable change starts with who you believe yourself to be.
You’ve carried a lot over the years — roles, titles, expectations.
But not everything you’re holding still belongs.
William Bridges’ transition model (https://wmbridges.com/about/what-is-transition/) helps clarify that real change begins with endings — letting go of an old identity before new beginnings can take root.
Download “The Shedding Script” — a free, powerful self-coaching tool to help you identify what you’re carrying… and what you’re ready to release.
This is where real change starts. I’ll help you sort through the noise, reconnect to what matters, and lead your rewrite. Book your free discovery call today.: https://www.januslifecoaching.com
